Pies, Prophets and “Educational Models”
This is a retro post. A version of this post appeared at my old blog on 3/15/08. Also, I’ve stolen and reworked the much-better title from this Skepchick post which referenced my original story.
This is one of my favorite “celebrity run-in” stories, if you can call it that. (Hint: you can.)
First, you’ll need some back-story. I read a post on Skepchick, which in turn referenced this post over at Pandagon. In a video at that post, the late Molly Ivins is discussing the battle over sex toy legislation and classification in Texas.
Okay. So skip ahead a few days. I was out and about with someone, about to head to a friend’s house. We decided that we absolutely MUST go and buy a chocolate satin pie from Marie Callender’s. (Don’t worry. We shared it!)
As we walked into MC’s, there was some kind of commotion there: a bunch of grinning and excited teenagers in the corner. An old woman was behind us in line, and she was shortly joined by her husband, a very tall man. I didn’t get a look at his face, remember thinking “wow, that guy is tall!”
Somehow I got onto the topic of the bizarre sex toy laws in Texas, as noted in the Molly Ivins video. Normally, I might might not talk about dildos (or is it dildoes?) and vibrators quite so loudly or openly in line at a restaurant, but I was feeling bold I suppose and just kind of shrugged it off. I am certain this old woman could hear every word, but I just decided not to care.
At this point, the excitement of the teenager in the corner was palpable, and it wasn’t due to all the sex toy talk!
As the Emoboy cashier went off to get our pie from the back, the conversation continued, and I’m certain the old couple heard every word:
“So, you can sell a dildo that looks like a penis, but you have to call it an ‘educational model.’ Unless it vibrates, in which case it can’t look like a penis…”
As our cashier boxed our pie, the old couple paid and walked to the door. As they left, a woman ran up to them, repeatedly addressing the man as “President! Preseident!” (I found this particularly odd: she wasn’t even using his name.)
I was starting to get a picture for who the huge* old guy was, but wasn’t sure just yet. Emokid asks the gaggle of nearly orgasmic teenagers if they got a picture. “A picture of what?” I ask.
“Oh, I guess that was the prophet, or whatever, the president of the LDS church.”
Haha! So, it turns out the teenagers were FREAKING OUT because super rockstar, prophet, seer and revelator Thomas S. Monson, the one, the only, the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was standing behind us in line at Marie Calender’s, listening to us talk about dildos and vibrators.
I can now die happy.
As we walked to the car, he was opening the car door for his wife and we got a good look at his face to confirm. And let me tell you, than man can give one hell of an icy stare across a parking lot.
* - Thomas S. Monson is 6’2”. That’s not, you know, monstrously huge, but was definitely tall enough that I took notice, particularly for someone of his age.
